Blerg

I am very, very tired. I worked for 31 hours. I've been up for about 33. It is so bed time but I just had to drop a couple lines about the events of last night.

So, last night I managed a couple of patients without any hand holding. I made decisions and then called and told my fellow or chief. The sky didn't fall. I didn't do things perfectly or with very much finesse but everyone came out alive and not much worse for the wear. That being said I totally had a break down crying moment this morning. Granted, I'd hit that wall that you always hit when you've been up for too long.

I needed a Chest X-ray on a patient whose chest tube we were planning on pulling that afternoon after we'd water-sealed it the night before (basically taking it off suction). I'd might a slight error in the order. I'd written post-pulling eval instead of pre-pulling. Well, the nurse took it upon herself to cancel the order instead of calling clarifying. So, 9 am rolls around and no CXR. My team is pissed.

So, now I order a stat Chest X-ray, which should happen within 30 minutes. It takes 2 hours. Now, I'm pissed. And somewhere in all that I cray in two different supply closets and the work room with my co-intern (he's going into Ortho) sitting beside me made very uncomfortable by this display of womenly emotion.

Also, that was not an easy call. I was never really completely on top of what I needed to handle. So I had this residual I'm not quite competent enough feeling. Added to my frustrations in managing my sick patients not quite perfectly. And then not being able to get a damn chest x-ray done. I was a ticking time bomb.

Okay, my bed calls. I'll sleep till 4 and then wake up so I can actually get a decent nights sleep tonight. before being back at work at 5 am.